I have feelings again!
So, as you may have noticed, I spent much of August freaking the fuck out. This continued into September, although it let up a bit when my brother and his wife moved to town (!!!) and we got a place together (!!!!!) and… I dunno. I think a lot of the PANICDEPRESSION was because of birth control and my body adjusting to not being on it anymore. Depo Provera has been known to make people crazy. Apparently it works that way for me! Anyway, the PANICDEPRESSION sort of ebbed away and was replaced by numbness! And I didn’t care about anything, really! And I got no pleasure from things! Anhedonia: it’s even less fun than it sounds!
I know that this blankness of mood was partly due to the fact that my psychiatrist upped my dose of antidepressants. As soon as I lowered my dose again* I noticed that I started feeling more human. And the PANICDEPRESSION seems to have receded.
So, yes. Feelings. And I might even get to sleep at a reasonable hour tonight due to sheer exhaustion. Here’s hoping!
*Never never never change your dose of antidepressants without talking to your doctor/nurse/licensed shaman first. I had permission to mess with my dose as necessary.