Here’s how I did it:
- I got very drunk at his house
- I tried to fix another drink, which would have been my fourth very strong vodka & cran
- He tried to stop me from fixing another drink, which was in everyone’s best interest being that I was already plastered
- We fought over my glass
- The glass fell to the floor and broke
- I tried to clean up the shards, but I was drunk, so he wanted to do it himself
- He had to drag me, in a heap, out of the kitchen
- I put vodka directly into the bottle of cranberry juice before he could stop me
- I wandered to the bathroom and purposely cut my fingertip with a razor
- …and then smeared blood on his face like tribal paint and told him he was “a warrior now”
- For the first and last time in my life, drove home while very, very drunk
TA-DA!!!
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