time makes you bolder

by Kate

I had bad self-esteem my whole adolescence and, indeed, until a couple of years ago.  I think that’s fairly normal for women.  We don’t tend to like ourselves.  Too fat or too thin or my boobs are too small or whatever.

Look at what a fucking badass I was!  And I didn’t like myself.  I didn’t think I was pretty.  I must have been 20 or 21.  And I could hardly stand myself.  It was a bad time in my life.  These pictures were taken by someone I was desperately in love with at the time.  He messaged me tonight on Facebook and then sent me these pictures.  It’s weird to see myself so young and remember who I was back then.

I like myself much better now.

I made a decision about two years ago that I wasn’t going to talk bad about myself to myself anymore.  I wasn’t going to feel bad about my small boobs or my chubby belly or… whatever.  What had happened was that I found some photos of myself at 18, and I remembered how insecure I always was about my body/hair/face/teeth and… how stupid that was.  I had spirit, and it showed.  And whatever “flaws” I might have, well, this is the me that I’m stuck with.  I decided not to waste any more time despising myself.

I have good days and bad days.  I still think my tits could stand to be bigger.  And lord knows I could lose some weight.   But…  well…

I’m a badass.  And some people think I’m pretty cute.