I am going to try to post every day.

It won’t happen, probably. But I’m going to try.

I went to the emergency room on Monday morning because I couldn’t get in touch with my psychiatrist and I couldn’t wait anymore to get some sort of help. What I really needed was a sense that I was doing something, ANYTHING, to try to get better. The social worker and doctor I spoke to at the hospital were both awesome in ways I can’t even try to convey right now– but for the first time in a long time, I felt really listened to in a clinical setting. The social worker and I decided that my best/most practical plan was to go to the day program at the hospital’s psych ward, so that’s what I did yesterday. And it was awful. But I’m going back tomorrow. Because I need to feel like I’m doing something to try to get better.

So this is the new year?

It’s kind of terrifying. But I’m feeling good-ish. Terrified but excited. We’ll see.