I feel like I’m taking crazy pills

Called a Public Assistance Agency and asked how we return an iPad that a client had been given by their program.

This was my experience. It is not embellished or edited to make it funnier.

Interrupting Lady: Hi, you’ve reached Public Assistance Agency, how can I help you?

Kate: Hi, My name is Kate and I’m calling from…

Interrupting Lady: Hi you’ve reached Public Assistance Agency, how can I direct your call today?

Kate: As I was saying, my name is Kate and I’m calling from…

Interrupting Lady: Yes, you’ve reached Public Assistance Agency, how can I direct your call today?

Kate: Uhh, can you hear me?

Interrupting Lady: Yes, ma’am, I can hear you just fine.

Kate: Then why do you keep talking over me? [silence…] Okay, so I’m calling from–

Interrupting Lady: Hi, you’ve reached Public Assistance Agency, how can I help you?

Kate: [speaking quickly, irritated] So my name is Kate and I’m calling from the–

Interrupting Lady: Hi, you’ve reached Public Assistance Agency, what can I do for you today?

Kate: Why do you keep interrupting me?

[click]

I called back, and a man answered the phone.

Psychic Dude: Thank you for calling Public Assistance Agency, please wait while I connect you to your party.

Kate: How… how would you know what party I’m trying to reach?

Psychic Dude: Only you would know which party you’re trying to reach.

Kate: …So who were you going to connect me to?

Psychic Dude: Well, what did you need?

Kate: I work for [government agency] and we’re trying to return an iPad that was given to her by your guys.

Psychic Dude: Can I have the client’s address?

Kate: Is it a different procedure for different addresses?

Psychic Dude: [sigh] Can I have their name then?

Kate: Her name is Jane Smith, and she lives in an adult care home, so getting her address wouldn’t have been that helpful to you.

Psychic Dude: Jane Smith… Jane Smith… [pause] We don’t want it back. It’s too old. Recycle it or something.

AND SCENE

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