I fell asleep around 6:30 last evening , so of course I woke up at 3:30 a.m. And the anxiety and bad thoughts I’m usually good at keeping at bay all pounced on me and I remembered: this is why it’s bad to be awake at this time. This is where the bad thoughts live.
But it’s been a couple hours now, and I’m feeling mostly better. I’ve found it’s helpful to ask myself “What am I afraid of?” and go from there. Because it’s never really as bad as I think it is. I get so caught up in feeling awful that I fail to see the trees for the forest, if I can twist a metaphor. I’m so busy freaking out over everything that I don’t see that every component of my anxiety is something I can do something about.
So I think I’m going in to work early today so that I can finish early, and then I’ll come home and try to sort out my life. I’m tired of keeping my fears and anxieties at bay. I need to face them head-on, and that’s a lot easier in daylight than it is at 4am.